I spent my entire education, including high school, university, and graduate school, as the quietest student in history. In 4th grade I stopped ever raising my hand, and did not once answer a question for the next 20 years in any classroom.
But I longed to speak in public. Years ago, I was introduced to the non-profit organization, Toastmasters International, where I met the kindest group of people I’ve ever known. The goal of this organization is to “provide a supportive and positive learning experience in which members are empowered to develop communication and leadership skills, resulting in greater self-confidence and personal growth.”
The format of the club is to have several planned speeches from regular members and then finish off with extemporaneous talks that last 60 to 90 seconds each. The leader calls out a topic and then randomly calls your name. You compose a speech on the spot.
I’ve made myself a promise I would try almost anything once. I do have a “don’t ever try” list which includes sky-diving, bungee jumping, and jet-skiing. There’s also my “probably won’t try” list, which includes scuba diving and climbing Mount Everest.
Public speaking was on neither list.
The leader of the evening called out my topic: Tell us the most interesting experience you’ve ever had in a restaurant. As I walked up to the front of the lecture hall my legs grew weak and my mind went blank.
I took the stage. What popped into my head was a story about going to a Chinese restaurant with my sister. I explained that we’d finished our meal and were about to open our complimentary fortune cookies, when I noticed a waiter peeking out from behind a screen and staring at me intently. This looked ominous.
I opened the fortune cookie and read it. The fortune said: Prostitute who sleep with judge get honorable discharge.
“It’s an X-rated fortune cookie!” I gasped. The waiter was giggling into his hand as he caught my eye.
The Toastmasters audience laughed and gave me a certificate for the best impromptu speech of the night. One person slipped me a note saying my story wasn’t appropriate for a general audience, but I was thrilled I hadn’t thrown up.
I belonged to that club for more than a year. Every speech I wrote, I revised for hours, rehearsed for more hours in front of a mirror, then revised some more. Yet with all that preparation, when I took the stage, my heart pounded and I’d have a strong urge to run.
Once, a new member of the group told me after one of my speeches, “You’re such a natural. I wish I could be like you, so relaxed and expert. I guess you have to be born that way.”
“No one’s ever born that way,” I said. “I’m a natural because I spend hours preparing. Every time I talk, I think I’ll faint. My relaxed demeanor is an act.”
Do people think you’re a natural at something that is really a result of hard work and practice?
Rerighting Life 
Thank you! I tend to tell my clients that most of us are no natural when it comes to public speaking. But we can learn…The same with anxiety….we do not need pills, but we can lower our anxiety to a manageable level and that is all what is needed. Having no fear, means missing out on the needed adrenaline when rock climbing, zip-lining, or water rafting…
I agree with trying new things. I do that too….I try a lot of things at least once….Every holiday I tell myself to so something that scares me.
How would I know that I love white water rafting…….if I let fear take the upper hand?
Thanks :)!
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Very well put about needing fear to focus you and also keep you safe. I try to do things that scare me often, although it doesn’t happen as often as I’d like.
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Seriously love your posts! Can definitely relate to not putting my hand up in class. I was one of those kids who looked down when the teacher asked a question so they wouldn’t pick me. And oh the fear of public speaking. I do a bit of public speaking at the moment and for the hours leading up to it all I can do is go over and over the message cos I can’t focus on anything else, I’m a nervous wreck. They say it gets easier, but I’m finding the nerves get worse. Although, the actual standing on the stage and speaking part actually is fine.
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Thanks so much for your perspective. It finally got easy for me. I still prepare a lot, but I feel very little anxiety now, and I get excited about doing it. However, I do a lot of speaking on my job now, so that’s why it has become easier.
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Definitely hope the anxiety starts to decrease and not increase. I imagine speaking a lot and doing all that preparing would also help with writing great posts.
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